The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints issues new name guidelines, dropping terms Mormon, LDS in most uses...

#mormon #mormon #mormon #mormon #mormon #mormon #mormon #mormon #mormon #mormon #mormon #mormon #mormon #mormon #mormon #mormon

It's finally here!

The First Book Of David:
an Ex-temple worker's experiences in the Mormon Church over 50 years.
 

by Levi Freud

Available on Amazon!  Click Here!

Commentary about the image below...

Pet Seer Stone

Breaking News:  SEER STONE FOR SALE

There is semi-credible chatter among some who claim to be in the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (the Mormons), that the famed "seer stone" is now up for auction at the City Creek Mall in Salt Lake City.

And those who attend, might just be in for a surprise or two!

The famous Gary Ross Dahl, will be in attendance if spiritually available due to his death in 2015.  It is said, that his proxy baptism (for the dead) has not been confirmed.  Gary was the discoverer of the now famous "Pet Rock" in 1975.  His discovery is paralleled only by the likes of Joseph Smith.  Unverified comments by President Monson, Prophet of the LDS Church, "we have affixed giggly eyeballs by way of white and delightsome glue to the chocolate colored Seer Stone."

Another former Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saint's [CONFIRMED], saying, "the googly eyes is proof of 'second sight...'"

He continued, "We are sure with every fiber of our being, that this will encourage our brown-suger-sisters to open their holy of hollies to their Priestly brethren."


Some of the above article is not confirmed, HOWEVER, comments made by the former President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Corporation)  IS CONFIRMED

Church and BYU to start new missionary program

The Church of Jesus Christ, in conjunction with Brigham Young University (BYU) football program, has developed a new strategy of missionary work. The leadership of the Church has determined that lowering the minimum age for missionaries to 18 (19 for women) has not measured up to the expectations of conversion. The result has been to establish a new strategy of "enhanced gospel training". Among other attributes, this new strategy will involve head-butting, eye-gouging, bludgeoning with sports equipment, and other aggressive actions for the Lord. 

The General Authorities assure the Saints that this "outreach" program will also involve the Boy Scouts of America in it's training program.  The young Scouts will be encouraged to spray-paint the gospel message on local area stores, bridges, overpasses, trains, and other community property.  "As roll models, the BYU football team will also instruct the boys on more advanced techniques for spreading the gospel", said one of the Quorum of the Seventy, under the condition of anonymity.
 

Watch video below for "Saints in Action".

 

The above article is a fictional parody, and has no basis in fact.

The images and content are used under the Fair Use Act,

and are in the Public Domain.

Breaking News:
BYU campus Accepts Vladimir Lenin as a student.

Wearing a beard has long been in violation of the "Y"s' honor code.  However, having recently been baptized (for the dead) and resurrected, Vladimir Lenin has been accepted as a student of the Humanities at BYU Provo.  

Click images to enlarge

He applied for, and received a waiver card (which must be displayed at all times) in order to "sport his carpet" on campus.  The administration was pleased to accept Comrade Lenin as a student, as Joseph exemplifies the moral and ethical standards of the University and the LDS faith.




The above is a parody of an actual story,
which is equally ridiculous. 

See Link Below
Source:  http://www.sltrib.com/news/1867918-155/beard-ban-at-mormon-schools-getting

Kolob

Click for larger image...

Leaving the Mormon Church

One of the BARD Youtube viewers sent in a frequently asked question.  The following are words of wisdom (a revelation you might say) from the BARD himself...

LDS Church releases renderings of final Provo MTC expansion plans

 A rendering of the courtyard view of the Provo MTC expansion.
 
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints released the rendering Tuesday night and announced it has finalized its plans to begin construction in the summer of 2015.

The Provo MTC has been in flux since October 2012, when The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints lowered the ages at which men and women can serve missions. The age change led to a flood of new missionaries that overwhelmed the Provo MTC.

To accommodate the rush of new elders and sisters into the mission field, the church leased an apartment building and nearby housing at BYU about a mile away from the MTC. It also closed a church school in Mexico and converted it into an MTC.
The Mexico City MTC, opened last year, now hosts many of the church's Spanish-speaking missionaries during training, easing pressure on the Provo MTC.



 Also, the number of missionaries is normalizing after the boom caused when LDS Church President Thomas S. Monson announced that men could leave at 18 instead of 19, and sisters could serve at 19 instead of 21.

Those men who were between 18 and 19 and women who were between 19 and 21 who decided to serve immediately created a bottleneck that now is abating.
The church had 58,000 missionaries in 347 missions around the world when President Monson announced the change. Today it has 87,000 missionaries serving in 405 missions.

 Source:  Deseret News
(Some images modified for editorial purposes)

Earlier this month, Brigham Young University professors discovered that recording devices had been concealed underneath several classroom stools in the Joseph Smith Building, where religion courses are primarily taught and department faculty meetings are held.

  
Editors Addition:  It seems as though someone wants to know who in the faculty has been "naughty or nice"...  Merry Christmas BYU!!!

Source:  Salt Lake Tribune
Click here for the full article

 'Meet The Mormons' movie Is Now On The Worst Movies Since 1957 List

"Meet the Mormons" has now officially joined the list of the 158 worst rated movies since 1957 (and that's a lot of cinema). It now joins other stinkers like "Troll 2: In Space" "They Saved Hitler's Brain" and "Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach."

Every reviewer from the New York Times to the Salt Lake Tribune agrees that this movie is simply an extended infomercial: A slick production that does not confront the more “controversial aspects” of the religion’s past.

Our Church has never done well when we open ourselves up to outside objective examination (Book of Abraham papyri, Kinderhook Plates, DNA, etc.). It now appears Church-produced cinema is no exception.

Editors Addition:  Not even "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" or "Plan 9 from Outer Space" were as bad as "Meet the Mormons"...   A movie by Mormons, for Mormons...

Extremely favorable reviews from audiences were in stark contrast to generally negative reviews from critics; the film currently holds an 11% rating from critics but a 92% rating from audience submissions, per review aggregator website Rotten Tomatoes.

Source(s):  Wikipedia, mormonthink.com, RottenTomatoes.com

Utah worst for womens' equality...

A 2013 study by 24/7 Wall Street on the status of women in America ranked Utah at #1 as the worst state in the nation for women. And 24/7 Wall Street is not alone in its findings. A 2013 study of women's economic security, career opportunities and health by the Center for American Progress also graded Utah an "F." 

CLICK HERE
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/donna-mcaleer/utah-ranks-1-and-why-that_b_6016950.html?utm_hp_ref=women-in-politics

Now that the new "essays" are making global news, The Church may need to include the following ex-Mormon Exit Kit, or First Aid Kit to those who are leaving Mormonism.

This Kit may include some of the items new ex-Mormons might find critical for their integration with normal society.

• Book:  "The God Delusion" (by Richard Dawkins)
• Instant coffee (for the body and the mind)
• Assorted condoms
• Normal underwear (his and hers)
• No soliciting signs (directed at both Mormon Missionaries, and any other cult)
  
  CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO...

 

 

One of Joseph Smith's many wives:  Helen Mar Kimball...
"Praise to the man"...

In the early summer of 1843, when she was 14 years old, Kimball’s father described the doctrine of plural marriage to her. He then asked if she would consent to be “sealed to Joseph” (Compton 1997, p. 498). Helen describes her reaction to this proposition,

“My father was the first to introduce it to me, which had a similar effect to a sudden shock of a small earthquake. When he found (after the first outburst of displeasure for supposed injury) that I received it meekly, he took the first opportunity to introduce Sarah Ann [Whitney] to me as Joseph's wife" (Whitney 1880-1883).^[2]

Kimball took 24 hours to respond to this request, and consented after Smith explained to her that it would ensure her eternal salvation along with that of her family. Helen was ‘’sealed’’ to Smith in May 1843. The marriage was kept secret, and Kimball continued to live with her parents (Anderson & Faulring 1998).

Source:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_Mar_Kimball     (Wikipedia)